The Hills Have Eyes II… Because the first one wasn’t enough apparently

A band of National Guard rookies find themselves facing a group of disgruntled mutants on their last day of training.

A team of trainees from the National Guard are sent with supplies to the New Mexico Desert in order to give them to the soldiers and scientists who are installing a monitoring system in Sector 16. They fail to find anybody in the camp, and later receive a distress signal from the hills. They all embark upon a rescue mission during which they are attacked by some deformed cannibals, against whom they must fight to survive.

Well,well, well… I don’t really know where to begin to be honest. You all know how I felt about The Hills Have Eyes, so the fact that I made the decision to watch number two is a mystery. I’m glad I decided to see it though – it was a truly magical experience (that was sarcasm for anyone who is confused). What was I thinking? Had I sustained a bang to the head? Had I been feeling the need to inflict intolerable suffering upon myself that day? Who knows? I certainly don’t have a clue.

I didn’t even take the time to find out who played the brain dead creatures that roamed the hills of New Mexico, no did I bother finding out who took on any of the mutant roles. The characters were laughably terrible and some of them became infuriating to watch. Please, somebody tell me why on of the idiots thought it would be a good idea to go off on his own. How could he even have the cheek to pretend he might have a chance alone? And as for the rest of them, well… Do you know what? I’m not even going to bother.

This film did have more gore in it, although it was some of the most unrealistic blood and guts I have ever been subjected to. There is no way, in the name of anything that is holy, that an inbred, mutated person could drag another fully functioning human being (I say that, his brain clearly wasn’t working) through a gap in a rock so forcefully that they detach their leg from their body. DO NOT EVEN TALK TO ME ABOUT THAT CRAP. Jesus wept!

My final gripe I am going to talk mention is the ending. What kind of ending was that, can I ask? I am slightly awestruck as to how you can make a film such as this, and then think a cliffhanger will make for a sufficient ending. What was the thought process that was undertaken there?

I don’t feel as though this review really requires a conclusion. I would add one final moan but if I carry on at the rate I’ve been going, I’m going to pop a blood vessel, so I shall leave it here and think happy thoughts while I they to rediscover my will to live.
By the way guys, on a different note, what do you think of my new daily facts I’ve been doing lately?

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Kira Comerford

Film and TV lover with hopes to one day make my own projects for everyone to enjoy. Until then, I'm giving my thoughts on what I watch for inspiration.

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